Forewarned is forearmed

Image courtesy of SimplyWallpaper.net

I was with Marc on that solemn journey to the 'Shiny Multiplex Enormodome' to see the Walking with Dinosaurs film. There is very little that I can add to his review, given that we are pretty much in exact agreement and Marc has already mentioned all the points he and I discussed in the post-movie debriefing. Nor do our opinions differ greatly from the near-universal verdict that it is, in effect, a stunning visual treat marred by inane dialogue.

Having gone to it with this already in mind, however, I didn't find that dialogue quite as intolerable as I had anticipated (though, make no mistake, I would have longed for its absence to begin with), a view shared by some reports, including those of Darren Naish and Gareth Monger. The latter found it easy enough to mentally 'switch off'. Like Marc, I even found Alex's narration surprisingly palatable in some parts, and perhaps that should have been the extent of the script, if it was felt necessary at all. The whole was fairly endurable enough until the fight between Patchi and his brother, Scowler, during which the exchange took an evisceratingly embarrassing turn in resembling a scene from a dreadful high school drama. The sequence, much like so many others, would have been entirely spared this indignity had it been speech-free. Even the arguably sillier visual jokes and slapstick would have worked organically and induced fewer groans if the silent storytelling had been left untouched. The soundtrack complaint extends to a degree to the music. My genuine enjoyment of the orchestral score was abruptly bridled by the sudden introduction of Barry White when Patchi first encounters Juniper amid a cloud of butterflies, for example. Incidentally, later in this sequence -- and quite after the Barry White had been dispensed with -- I was amused to recall David's mention of Cyrano de Bergerac as the pudgy young Patchi trotted back day after day to the waterfall in hopes of meeting the rosy Juniper again, but I digress...

 It might be superfluous of me to say more with regard to the beauty of the animals and the animation, but it is worth emphasizing once more. I refer you once again to Marc's description in lieu of my gushing further on the rendering of skin, scales, and feathers, or the palpably alive movement of flesh and muscle.

If the bathos between the sublime visuals and the ridiculous soundtrack is galling for dino-geeks, then, how much more so is it for the artists behind the creation? If it is true that the executive Pooh-Bahs bowed to the opinion of test screen audiences in the retroactive introduction of the script, then my heart is doubly heavy. My frustrations with the greater public's penchant for turning tea into soda are too great to mention and certainly too close to home in my own profession. Nobody can be at a loss to follow so simple a story, or to identify -- and identify with -- the characters, so well conceived and delineated in their designs. I wonder, were folks always so dense when they watched the numerous dialogue-free Pixar shorts? And what of Wall-E? Or what of Lotte Reiniger's The Adventures of Prince Achmed? The list goes on.

I conclude by reiterating Marc that 'the artistic and scientific talent behind this film do deserve our support'. The plain fact of the matter is that the hope of more such films being made in future does rest upon sales, and perhaps we may hope, however feebly, that the collective intelligent response to this film may bend a few ears of the powers-that-be. Thus forewarned, go and see this film, and hold fast to its merits.

Missing Kenneth Branagh

I never thought I'd miss Kenneth Branagh quite as much as I do now. Nevertheless, having solemnly journeyed to my local Shiny Multiplex Enormodome to see the Walking With Dinosaurs movie, it's the slightly over-earnest tones of thespian Kenny that I long for. For you see - and forgive me if you've heard this already - WWD 3D features dinosaurs that talk. And talk. And talk.

Talk v teeth. Image from here.

Apparently the victim of test screenings attended by morons and/or jittery studio heads, WWD 3D is, as every other review thus far has noted, a film spoiled by disastrous dire-logue. If only the apparently telepathic dino-speak were occasional, they might have got away with it. Alas, the pachyrhinosaur protagonists of the piece see fit to yammer away over absolutely everything. It's as if the writers are afraid that kids today are so psyched up on refined sugar and Moshi Monsters that they'll lose interest if so much as a minute passes without a character sounding off.

What's most galling about it, for us dino geeks, is that underneath the dialogue-by-machine and misplaced pop music, there is an absolutely stunning piece of palaeoart in motion. Make no mistake - these are far and away the most accurate dinosaurs yet to appear on film, and more than that they are a convincing presence in the world they inhabit. The backgrounds are live action, and yet the CG animals appear completely at home. They are also rendered with the utmost love down to the tiniest scaly (or feathery) detail, which is hardly surprising given the artistic talent involved. Animals only have to walk into frame for one to be struck by the realistic movement of muscles beneath skin, and when they bellow, their flesh strains and their guts shake beautifully. The feathered animals - and there are plenty of them, including dromaeosaurs and troodonts - are gorgeous, and easily the best yet seen on screen.

It's a pity, then, that the animals aren't allowed to simply be animals. As has been noted elsewhere, it's often dishearteningly obvious that the film was never intended to have such extensive dialogue. Of course, there is a very light level of anthropomorphism evident in the character design - real reptiles never have such expressive, mammalian eyes (with white sclerae and all) - but the animals nevertheless have a highly realistic appearance, and were all real-world contemporaries. Disney's Dinosaur this ain't, and a little artistic license is certainly forgiveable to sell the narrative to an audience with a built-in mammalian bias.

What's less forgiveable is the characters' need to narrate every aspect of their lives, as if children in the audience would be too stupid to figure out what's going on, or what the characters' motives are. I'm not known for being especially fond of children, but I feel the need to stick up for them here - they're really not that dumb. Furthermore, most child dinomaniacs want to see dinosaurs being dinosaurs - fighting and stomping and just looking grand - not chatting away like schoolkids. Even when protagonist Patchi goes nose-to-nose with his bullying brother Scowler - a perfect moment to let the audience revel in the spectacle - Scowler persists in chastising Patchi for "trying to steal his girl". Awful, cringeworthy stuff.

At various points, the creatures' constant chatter jars with what was obviously intended to be an animalistic response to a situation. When Littlefoot's mother dies in The Land Before Time, he is, as an anthropomorphised cartoon character with a human personality, expectedly distraught. When (spoilers) Patchi's father is killed by a tyrannosaur right in front of him, he and his brother appear to breezily brush it off within about five minutes. It doesn't make sense - but it would have done if the characters didn't speak, and were treated more like animals. Likewise for a stampede scene, in which the characters appear to blindly panic in contradiction of the dialogue - like animals would.

The simplistic plot would be a breeze to follow without the dialogue, and it's clear that this is what was originally intended. Take the speech away (save perhaps for John Leguizamo's surprisingly likeable narrator), and I have no doubt that a far more charming film would result. Tellingly, the audience's favourite moments at the screening I attended were completely dialogue-free (including an amusing trio of bickering azhdarchid pterosaurs).

There is much to savour in this film. Dinosaur enthusiasts will delight in the (all too brief) opportunities to gaze upon stunning vistas teeming with impeccably realised and researched prehistoric lifeforms. The dinosaurs are impressive, the landscapes are impressive - it's a visual treat. The artistic and scientific talent behind this film do deserve our support, and if it weren't for the moronic jabbering, I'd recommend it unreservedly. As things are, I'm crossing my fingers for a 'dialogue-free' option on the DVD. Or perhaps a replacement Kenneth Branagh track.